Let’s talk about sex.
“The world’s most productive people are those who understand sex, and have it on a regular basis.” – Asian Efficiency
Here at Asian Efficiency we like to think of ourselves as experts in time management, productivity, getting things done… and sex. Why? Because sex is important. Most people we know who are happy, successful and healthy, seem to have regular sex.
The Importance of Sex
Let’s face it – there isn’t a whole lot out there written about sex. Ever read a time management book that mentions sex? It’s still a taboo topic to write about. Sure, we’re bombarded with images of semi-nude women (and men) as we drive past billboards and watch advertising on TV on a daily basis, but those are visual cues designed to attract our attention and to get us to associate something extremely primal (sex) with whatever product they’re trying to pitch us. The fact that marketers aplenty are trying to use sex appeal to sell to us, should set off warning signals that sex is something important.
The next time you’re out and about, notice the number of sex-related signals going on around you. Advertising. Television. Fashion. Sex is pretty much everywhere, and we all know that it’s something we need. Yet no one wants to talk about it.
Perspectives on Sex
We would like to think that we have a different perspective on the topic. Most heavy-hitting productivity and motivational material seems to be written by middle-aged balding corporate types who, well, just aren’t all that sexy (editor’s note: I’m sure he’s joking). In comparison, Thanh and myself are the embodiment of sex appeal.
In all seriousness, there really is no such thing as an expert on sex, because it is such a varied activity. Sex in the context of pornography is one type of sex. Sex in the context of a “standard” monogamous marriage is different. As is sex between couples who have just started dating. And it goes on.
In all the discussions that we’ve had with men and women across all different age groups, nationalities and cultural backgrounds, we’ve found that somebody always objects when the topic of sex comes up: “Oh, girls in HK are all gold diggers, you don’t need charisma, you just need money” or “Yeah, all men in LA just want sex, none of them want anything serious” or “What do/does you/he/she know about sex? I’m 45 and divorced twice, I’ve had much more sex than you/him/her”.
Sex works differently for different people. There is no one, all-encompassing singular expert on sex. As they say – different strokes for different folks.
It’s a worthwhile exercise to ask yourself what you believe and know about sex – and then to ask yourself how you came to those conclusions – were they taught at school, in church, by your parents, from porn, or from personal experience?
What to Expect
This is going to be a long article series. If you’ve been following our twitter, I posted a mindmap of the initial research that we did for this – it has doubled in size since then.
Where possible, we’ve tried to look at things from a real-world perspective, rather than from a scientific/theoretical standpoint. The simple reason for this is that theories don’t really survive contact with human beings. They tend to crumble. Experiential learning, especially when other people are involved, is far better.
A simple example that comes to mind, is this idea of mirroring for rapport. For those who don’t know, mirroring is often taught by “communication experts” and “expert negotiators” as a way to “gain rapport” with someone – to get cooperation, a business deal, or sex from them. What has happened here is the case of imposing a scientific experiment upon a real-world situation based on observation, not experience. If you walk into the average North American drinking establishment, you’ll see men and women talking and conversing all about. If you observe, you’ll see that as one person does something, the other person does something similar. It may be taking a sip of water. It may be shifting body weight. Based on this observation, a theory is then created that “mirroring” another person puts you in rapport with them. If you experience however, you’ll know that it doesn’t work that way. Simply copying someone’s movements is weird, and a little bit creepy. What’s actually happening is that one person in the conversation is leading, and the other people are following to stay in sync with them. Who is leading at any given time changes as the focus of the conversation changes.
The same is true with sex. Experiential accounts, are often more accurate than a theory based on observations made in a lab. Speaking of theories, we are going to be referencing evolutionary biology and psychology a lot in this series. Not because it’s 100% accurate, but because it is the simplest way to explain a lot of male-female dynamics and the behaviors of both men and women. Believe it or not, thinking about how cavemen and cavewomen got it on tells us a lot about modern human sexual behavior and the effects that it has (hint: cave-people didn’t have reliable contraception or paternity testing).
Here’s what each article will cover:
- An Introduction to Sex, Motivation and Productivity.
- Sex, Biology and Society.
- Sex, Religion, Technology and Money.
- Sexual Energy and its Relationship with Motivation and Productivity.
- Love and Relationships.
- Getting Sex and Asian Efficient Sex (making the most out of sex).
Yes, the rabbit hole goes deep.
You’ll notice that the last part will be a Q&A. If you’re reading this, and you want any questions about sex and how it relates to motivation and productivity answered, now is the time to reach out via Twitter or email us.
We’re going to try to cover differing perspectives throughout, and impart some practical applications of what you will learn. We’ve sent our notes to various people to try to cover all angles. Thanh and myself are both young men and heterosexual, and our cultural backgrounds are a mix of Western and Confucian values. Thanh is single (and loving it), I’ve been in a relationship for over a year. In no particular order, we’ve discussed this article series with: bisexual women, gay men, women working in adult industries, men/women in relationships, single straight women, bisexual men, people looking for love, people looking for just sex, dating coaches, “sex experts”, relationship coaches and transexuals.
By now, I hope you realize that sex is important. If it wasn’t, then over a third of all Internet traffic wouldn’t be pornography (check this out). Women wouldn’t wear makeup and worry about fashion. Men wouldn’t work 7 days a week in soul-crushing jobs to buy gifts and jewelry for their trophy wives. And most of all, both men and women would not play deceptive social games with each other to get sex or a commitment.
More in the next part. Stay tuned.
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