Within the first 15 to 30 minutes of a coaching call, I can almost always spot what’s actually wrong.
Not because I’m unusually perceptive. Not because I’ve heard every problem before. It’s simpler than that: I’m not inside the jar.
The client is.
What “Inside the Jar” Means
There’s a metaphor I use with people I coach: you can’t read the label when you’re inside the jar.
The idea is exactly what it sounds like. A label on a jar can’t be read by whatever’s inside — you need to be outside to see what it says. When you’re living inside your own situation — your daily schedule, your habits, your mental models about how things work — you lose the ability to see it clearly. The thing you’re trying to diagnose is the same thing you’re made of.
Someone standing outside sees it in minutes.
I used this framing recently with Patrick Davidson. He’s a VP at a major organization, managing multiple large projects simultaneously, and one of the more genuinely self-aware people I’ve coached. Smart. Thoughtful. Has done real inner work. And in the first half hour of our call, I was already seeing patterns he hadn’t noticed — or had stopped noticing — after years of being inside them.
That’s the jar at work.
Why This Isn’t About Self-Awareness
Most people hear this and think: “I need to work on my self-awareness.”
That’s the wrong takeaway.
Self-awareness matters. But even the most self-aware people I work with miss things from inside the jar. The issue isn’t the quality of their reflection — it’s the angle. You can be extraordinarily observant and still have blind spots that are only visible from outside.
It’s structural, not a character flaw.
Think about elite athletes. World-class performers with coaches who watch every repetition. The coaches don’t have better physical ability than the athletes they’re coaching. Often they’re not even better athletes. What they have is the outside view. And that view is irreplaceable, regardless of how talented or self-aware the athlete is.
A sports psychologist I heard about had a simple technique for approximating the outside view when you don’t have a coach available: she’d ask her clients, “If you had to give yourself advice about this situation, what would you tell yourself?” The act of imagining you’re advising someone else — stepping even slightly outside the jar — shifts the answer. Things that were blurry get clearer.
What the Jar Actually Hides
Here’s what I notice from the outside that’s usually invisible from within:
The habit that’s draining energy without anyone realizing it. It used to serve a purpose. It’s been there long enough that it feels like “just how I am.” But it’s costing something — usually attention or energy — and because it’s woven into the routine, there’s no mechanism to question it from inside.
The scheduling pattern that’s upstream of the chaos. People often come to me wanting to fix overwhelm, and they’ve been trying to fix it at the symptom level. An outside view sees the structural cause — a recurring commitment, a way of saying yes to things, a weekly pattern that creates the problem they keep fighting.
The assumption that’s limiting the options. Every situation inside the jar comes with invisible constraints — “things I can’t change,” “how this works for me,” “what’s realistic.” An outsider doesn’t share those assumptions. So they can see solutions that aren’t visible from inside.
Getting Outside the Jar
You can’t fully escape your own jar. But you can get more distance from it.
A few things that help:
Ask the advisor question. If someone you respected was in your exact situation, what would you tell them? Write the answer down. The externalization often produces the insight you couldn’t find while looking inward.
Read your calendar like a stranger. Look at your last two weeks as if they belong to someone you’ve never met. What patterns do you notice? What would you say about this person’s priorities? This is uncomfortable, which usually means it’s working.
Talk to someone who doesn’t share your assumptions. Not a close friend who knows your situation and validates your frame. Someone outside your context who will ask the naive question — “why do you have to do it that way?” — that someone inside wouldn’t think to ask.
Hire a coach. I’m obviously biased here. But the reason coaching works isn’t primarily about accountability or information transfer. It’s the outside view. Someone who spends 15 minutes looking at your situation with fresh eyes will see things you’ve stopped seeing.
The Label Is Right There
If you’ve been stuck on something for a while — a habit you can’t seem to change, a problem that keeps recurring, a pattern you recognize but can’t break — the jar is likely part of the reason.
The solution usually isn’t more analysis. More analysis from inside the jar produces more jar.
The solution is the outside view.
It’s almost always available. You just have to get outside long enough to read the label.
If you want an outside perspective on your productivity, time management, or how you’re spending your energy — that’s exactly what I do in the 25X Productivity System. Book a discovery call and I’ll tell you what I see in the first 30 minutes.
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